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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319995">You are my Always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielAndDean/pseuds/CastielAndDean'>CastielAndDean</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Grief, Longing, M/M, Peace, Rain, Reunions, Sadness, Sleepy Kisses, Unrequited Love, War</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:16:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,680</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25319995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielAndDean/pseuds/CastielAndDean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You were never mine to have. Still I loved you to the last."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You are my Always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was inspired by Beth Crowley's wonderful song "Always" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSW371FMLns)<br/>I wanted to make it kind of a songfic. Hope you like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Just aim it a little higher than you’d expect.’</p><p>A voice behind him made the black-haired teenage boy turn around in surprise. By doing so, he was now directly looking into a pair of very dark, but warm eyes, surrounded by blushed cheeks, a happy smile and strands of brown hair that were cut like a bowl.</p><p>On this faithful day many years ago, Madara met the boy who changed his life in the blink of an eye. Which he didn’t know back then of course. When the boy with the brown hair appeared behind him and threw a stone while telling Madara how it was done right, the Uchiha felt a little offended. Who was that other boy to tell him how to skip stones right?!</p><p>‘I don’t need you to tell me that,’ Madara snapped and wanted to throw the stone he was holding in his hand, but instead turned a little more towards the other one because there was something about him that got him interested.</p><p>They had both been children then, barely teenagers, trained in fight already, but still full of innocence. And even though they were told not to trust anyone, Madara continued meeting his strange new friend by the river.</p><p>Hashirama was the one who could see the good inside of Madara. It almost felt like they were thinking alike all of the time. And as the time went by, Madara discovered sides of Hashirama he didn’t pay attention to in the first few weeks of their daily meet-ups. But one evening, they were laying next to the river, breathless because of the training fight they held a few moments ago. Hashirama had gotten a lot better in anticipating and assessing Madara’s movements and attacks which always left Madara with a resentful feeling because he really wanted to beat him some day.</p><p>Laying there next to the boy with the contagious smile and the silly hair style, Madara saw the last rays of sunlight highlighting parts of Hashirama’s face while he was catching his breath. And for the first time, Madara noticed how soft his skin looked, how vulnerable, but yet the other boy was stronger than him. How could someone who looked so weak be so strong – both physically and mentally?  </p><p>The way Hashirama’s lips twisted into a smile when he noticed that Madara was looking at him made the Uchiha’s heart jump against his chest. It was nothing to worry about, but Madara wondered what caused it. Was it Hashirama’s warm smile? Or the way he looked at him? Or was it something else, something Madara wasn’t able to pin down yet? Whatever it was, Madara liked the feeling of his heart speeding up whenever Hashirama smiled.</p><p>‘What are you looking at? Is there a twig stuck in my hair? If yes, please pull it out, will you?’</p><p>Madara felt his cheeks blushing and shook his head. ‘It’s not that.’</p><p>‘Well, then. Whatever caught your attention, I hope it’s nothing embarrassing.’</p><p>‘Why do you think you’re embarrassing?’ Madara mumbled but noticed his mistake too late.</p><p>‘I didn’t say that I am, but it’s good to know that <em>I</em> caught your attention,’ Hashirama said with a wide grin, but his eyes were telling Madara that he was happy about it.</p><p>Back then, Madara realised that he had something real. No, not something – someone. Someone who was understanding things he wasn’t able to say. That there had to be a way to change this cruel world in which young children had to die at early age because of this stupid fight between the Uchihas and the Senjus. Madara believed that there was a way of a peaceful existing without bloody fights or unnecessary deaths. There had to be a way. And with Hashirama, this dream was finally able to reach. They weren’t sure how or when or what it even looked like – but Madara knew that his friend felt it, too. That one day, all of the pain would be over.  </p><p>Everything changed when he found out that Hashirama was a Senju. It felt like there was no single atom of air around Madara to breath anymore when he saw his friend’s father and brother appearing behind him, ready to fight the opponent. From that day on, the two boys fought against each other as enemies. No trace of their earlier friendship was between them while their weapons clashed or their jutsus collided, but there was always this deep grief behind Hashirama’s dark eyes when he was looking at Madara. Like he missed those old days, too. These better moments, full of warmth and happiness.</p><p>For years, Madara was lying awake some nights, aching for the precious moments he had spent with Hashirama. He had realised a long time ago that it wasn’t just friendship that connected him with Hashirama. There was something deeper lying within, a more profound, stronger connection.</p><p>One night Madara was not able to find sleep, his thoughts were circling and he couldn’t stop thinking about how badly he wanted to sit next to Hashirama right now, leaning his head against his shoulder and just enjoying his company.</p><p>
  <em>‘No, brother! Have you forgotten that these bastards killed everyone? Killed the Uchihas?’</em>
</p><p>Izuna’s words resounded in Madara’s head. His younger brother had died recently by the hand of Hashirama’s brother Tobirama. Of course he would never forgive the Senjus for killing all of his family, especially Izuna. Still there was no way to hate Hashirama, even though Madara wanted to because he was his enemy. But … was he even? Where had all their shared dreams and words gone? The dream of a peaceful life for everyone? Did all of it vanish into nowhere when they started fighting each other in battle?</p><p>No. Madara knew somewhere deep inside that he was still holding on to this dream. And he knew Hashirama did, too. For years, his feelings towards the once young boy with the contagious smile and the ridiculous hair had grown into something he wasn’t able to name because he had never experienced something like it before. Even though he was fighting Hashirama a lot of times, he couldn’t deny that he never really wanted to hurt him. His love for the other man who had become a skilled fighter and leader of his clan intensified even though they did not meet as friends anymore but as enemies. Madara knew how stupid it was to believe in something like love. There was no space for emotions in war, especially not for the biggest enemy.</p><p>Yet here he was, lying awake and looking at the stars outside, not able to sleep because his heart was aching for something he could never call his own. The Uchiha knew that Hashirama had been the only happiness he ever knew, and it made him even fall into a bigger hole that he was never going to be as close to his friend again as he was many years ago. So he continued loving him from afar as they both decided who they wanted to be – or were forced to be.</p><p>But one day, Madara got back for a second what he had never dared to even hope for.</p><p>After an intense and exhausting fight, Madara was laying on the ground, desperately coughing, and he thought that he was going to die. Tobirama Senju had already raised his sword to finally kill him, but Hashirama stopped him from doing so with his whole body shaking.</p><p>‘Just get it over with, Hashirama. It would be an honour to die by your hand,’ Madara said, trying to hide the different emotions that were almost overwhelming him again in this moment – grief, pain, love, longing.</p><p>Although Tobirama was the one who could finish him with his weapon any second, he wanted it to be Hashirama. No one else deserved to kill one of the strongest Uchiha – if not the strongest. Madara had never thought about things like that, he just wanted to become stronger. But he never reached Hashirama’s powers, no matter how hard he tried. And because of Hashirama’s bigger power, he was now laying here, waiting to be killed and finally escape this hell of a reality he wished he never had to live in.</p><p>‘If I kill the leader of the Uchihas, it will only incite the younger ones to continue fighting,’ Hashirama countered, and he was right. The war would never end until one clan was eliminated.</p><p> Madara gathered some last energy to say something, but then the leader of the Senju clan mumbled, ‘We made a promise, remember?’</p><p>Of course Madara remembered. They sat on top of a mountain and talked about a village they wanted to create, their dream of a peaceful life.</p><p>‘Can’t we go back to those days and skip stones together?’</p><p>How badly Madara wished for this to happen … It would not even matter what they would do. Just to be together like many years ago when life had been not less painful, but easier.</p><p>Still Madara opened his mouth to say something completely opposite when he remembered all the things the Senjus did to him. So he said, ‘You and I are no longer the same. I have nothing to protect anymore. But there might be a way to prove yourself worthy. Kill your brother – or kill yourself.’</p><p>It hadn’t been his intention to even say this out loud, but all the anger, all the pain and the grief he had to bear all over these years – they came out in this moment and he couldn’t do anything about it. Now all he could do was to watch Hashirama deciding, even though it killed Madara inside to make him decide between those options.</p><p>Hashirama took his weapon a few moments later, held it in front of his heart and smiled while tears were running down his face. ‘Thank you, Madara.’</p><p>In this moment Madara realised something. That Hashirama might never have been his to have. He was his enemy and had killed a lot of the Uchiha clan members. But so did Madara. They both hurt each other deeply, killed the other one’s companions, friends and even family. But still, Madara loved him to the last.</p><p>Because Hashirama had always been there. When they were younger, Hashirama had been his reason to smile because of his funny behaviour, his amazing way of thinking and his great personality. When they became older, Hashirama might have been out of sight, but never far away. Because the physical distance didn’t matter, it was the connection of their souls and hearts. Which didn’t change, instead intensified over the years, at least for Madara.</p><p>Hashirama was always kind, always funny and always caring. He made Madara feel like a better person every time they met.</p><p>Hashirama was his Always.</p><p>The moment Madara realised that, his hand shot up to prevent Hashirama from killing himself. Because Hashirama not only <em>was</em> his always, he would be, too. But if he was dead, peace was not possible anymore.</p><p>‘Enough,’ Madara whispered, and the relieving smile Hashirama gifted him that moment gave the Uchiha back the power to get up and take the Senju’s hand. ‘Let’s make our dream come true.’</p><p>The pure happiness on Hashirama’s face made Madara nearly continue speaking the words that had died on his lips a thousand times already. He wanted to tell how much Hashirama meant to him, but it wasn’t the right time and place to do so with all of the clan members watching every move they made. And they surely wouldn’t approve of him saying this. It could destroy everything they had finally achieved now.</p><p>So Madara kept his mouth shut, smiled and took Hashirama’s hand again a while later after they officially made peace. And finally the dream of two boys became reality. A village was built, with a school for the children, a place for everyone to live.</p><p>Hashirama became the head of the village they decided to call Konohagakure. And with Hashirama being Hokage, a lot of people liked him. So it was bound to happen that women got interested in him, too. Especially one with red hair who made Hashirama smile whenever she talked.</p><p>Madara knew that with this woman coming along, slowly winning Hashirama’s heart, he wouldn’t stand a chance. But he cared enough for Hashirama to let him go. After all this time, he still loved Hashirama with every inch of his body. But he wasn’t his to have, never had been. So he just stayed at his side and made sure that everything was going fine for his friend.</p><p>And one day, everything was too much. After watching his own clan not being treated well, almost feared by the other residents of the village, Madara found out about a stone tablet hidden in an Uchiha shrine. And there was something written on there that couldn’t make him stay in the village anymore. Not if he wanted to save his clan. True peace could only be achieved if he left the village to pursue what was written there. And wasn’t true peace what both Hashirama and Madara wanted? With all the distrust against the Uchihas, it wasn’t possible to achieve. But with the instructions on the stone tablet, it might be.</p><p>But this was only one reason he needed to leave this place. Loving Hashirama from afar wasn’t possible anymore. Whenever Madara saw him and his wife Mito together, his heart ached so much it wasn’t bearable for a single second longer. By leaving the village, he would do both of them a favour and he also could try to achieve what Hashirama and he had hoped for to obtain with building this village.</p><p>‘Madara! You don’t have to leave! I can’t do this without you!’ Hashirama shouted when they met after Madara had initiated a last meeting between him and the love of his life.</p><p>‘I will do what will lead to true peace,’ Madara explained slowly, not able to face Hashirama directly because his heart was aching painfully.</p><p>‘We’ve already achieved peace! There’s nothing you –’</p><p>‘I’m not an idiot, Hashirama. My clan is suffering, but no one is trusting me because they think I work with you and Tobirama. Your brother will kill them all if he ever becomes Hokage, and he most likely will be the next one after you. So I’ll find a solution to all of this mess first. That’s why I’ll leave the village.’</p><p>‘Madara, I beg you.’ Hashirama’s voice was on the edge of breaking. ‘Don’t go. I need you more than anything.’</p><p><em>I used to love you from afar,</em> Madara thought in this moment, with tears welling up, but he blinked them away. <em>But you were never mine to have. Although I wished you were. Because you are my everything.</em></p><p>‘We will meet again someday,’ was what he said, despite the fact that he wanted to tell Hashirama so badly what he really thought of right now. ‘And I hope you’ll be happy with your family until then.’</p><p><em>‘You</em> are my family too, Madara. We’re brothers.’</p><p>Biting his lip, Madara slowly started to walk away from Hashirama. ‘I really respect you, Hashirama. Thank you for everything you have done for me.’</p><p>While he was quickly glancing one last time at Hashirama, the boy with the ridiculous haircut, with the contagious smile, the man that made him feel like he was worth something, Madara smiled, then turned around and left the room.</p><p>‘And thank you for making me feel loved,’ Madara mumbled while he was disappearing into the shadows of the black corridor that was leading somewhere Madara didn’t know yet. But he was sure of one thing: Hashirama would never really leave him. The Uchiha would always carry him in his heart, because Hashirama had never gave up on him. Not one single moment. He had always believed in their dream. And he had always believed in Madara.</p><p>Madara would always believe in Hashirama, too.</p><p>Because Hashirama was his Always.</p><p>And he always would be.</p>
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